


Intermeshing Realities

by dying_antares



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Reality, Angst, Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Character Death, Crying Keith (Voltron), Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Hurt Keith (Voltron), I'm Sorry, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, One-Sided Keith/Lance (Voltron), Panic Attacks, Sad Keith (Voltron), Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2019-09-30 12:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17223938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dying_antares/pseuds/dying_antares
Summary: Keith loves Lance, and as he finally decides to confess, Lance says he doesn't feel the same way.Heartbroken, Keith accepts a dangerous BoM mission which will most likely end in death.What happens afterwards is something Keith never expected to happen.





	Intermeshing Realities

**Author's Note:**

> howdy!  
> this is my third (uploaded) work here and as always, english is not my first language, so i'm sorry in advance for any mistakes.  
> i'm generally sorry

1:00 AM

Too late and too early to do anything, Keith decided. If he got up now, he would most likely wake anyone else up, and after the battle they just had, everyone deserved some rest. So he stared at the ceiling trying desperately  _not_ to think about what he always thought about - Lance. But his mind seemed to be too eager tonight and wandered to the blue paladin only one room, a few steps, away from him.

Keith grunted and pressed a pillow on his head, trying to shut his brain up but it didn't help. He still thought about these long legs gracefully carrying this Cuban god around, about these muscular arms, this soft brown hair, the curl of his lips, the caramel skin - _god did he love caramel -_ and this soft smile together with the ocean trapped in Lance's eyes. Keith was never the biggest fan of the ocean but after seeing his eyes for the first time, Keith started drowning in them, and he still does. Stupid, beautiful Lance, with his laugh which makes everyone want to join, with this jokes which weren't that funny but made Keith giggle every time. Sometimes, Keith couldn't help but staring at him for what seemed to be hours, and he wondered how many of his teammates have catched him staring but he couldn't help it - Lance was just so  _beautiful_ and Keith had to fight the urge to jump at Lance, throwing his arms around his broad shoulders and kiss him senseless.

 Sometimes, Lance shot Keith his softest and most beautiful smile, for example after a battle. Lance walked up to Keith, smiled his graceful smile and took Keith's breath away and Lance praised him for something he did during fighting. Keith wasn't able to listen, Lance was so close and it made his mind dizzy. And sometimes, during normal conversations in the group, or while training, eating, Lance would glance at Keith and smile and his knees felt weak every time. He tried his best to smile back, to stop his blush and in some occasions, Keith thought - what if Lance liked him back? What if there was a chance that his feelings weren't unrequited? And whenever Lance encouraged him, had his back and assured him that he will make it great, Keith's hopes raised higher.

But then, he saw how often Lance would look at Allura the same way, how he flirted with her and the worst, how she didn't seem to mind it. In moments like these Keith felt like throwing up (He did a few times. It was horrible at one particular day and Shiro came to see what was wrong, and Keith burst out in tears and cried for two hours non-stop while Shiro was stroking through his hair and assured him that everything will be alright). And Lance always seemed so happy around Allura and Keith didn't bare to stop this because as long as Lance was happy and smiling, Keith would be happy too, right?

 

2:00 AM

Keith was restless as ever, and thought that this will be another sleepless night but something was different than all the other nights spend to think about Lance and if he should finally confess - he felt as if he needed to confess  _right now_ or his heart and brain might combust. What if Lance rejected him? What would he do then? He would never be able to look at Lance ever again without feeling dumb. Could they even work together? Could they still form Voltron? Suddenly, Keith was anxious. He wanted to confess, needed to, or otherwise he wouldn't be able to think straight during a battle. And wouldn't it be mean to wake Lance up in the middle of the night? Otherwise, would Keith ever have a chance to do it tomorrow? Nobody knows what might happen tomorrow. What if they get attacked and he was never able to tell Lance how much he loved him? 

Before he knew it, Keith has already gotten up and stood in the hallway. Only a few metres till Lance's door and the closer Keith got, the more he was panicking. Was this really the right thing to do? Now or never, he thought and knocked softly at the door. To his suprise, a sleepy Lance was immediately in the now opened door, as if he woke up a few minutes before. "Keith?". His voice was raspy and god, Keith melted. He only heard his heartbeat in his ears and it was so loud that Lance probably heard it too. "Keith, are you okay?". Keith snapped out of his trance and looked down at his sweaty, interwined hands. He almost didn't recognize his own voice, it was quiet, desperate. "Could we - Can we talk?", he stammered out and felt a blush creeping it's way onto his cheeks. It was a good thing that it was dark, otherwise Lance could see what kind of wreck Keith was right now. "Sure", Lance shrugged his shoulders and moved back onto his bed, waving Keith to come over. 'Deep breaths, Keith, you can do this', he muttered under his breath and followed Lance on the bed, staying on the other side, as far away as possible.

"What did you want to talk about then? Gotta be important if you want to talk about it at 2am", Lance slowly said. Keith swallowed and looked everywhere except Lance. Why was this so complicated? Why didn't he just wrote 'I love you' on a letter and swiped it under Lance's door? Why was Lance staring at him with his intense ocean eyes? Keith couldn't think anymore, his brain was shut down and in panic mode.  _Abort! Abort mission!_ Keith felt his breath becoming faster, his hands were sweating and fumbling around with a small end of the bedsheets and he couldn't hear what Lance was saying. The pressure on his head was too much, it was too hot in this room and he felt how his eyes started to water. Oh no. He couldn't cry in front of Lance and he wanted to get up, run away, pretend this never happened but a firm grip on his wrists made him open his eyes - when did he close them? Lance looked at him, worry written all over his face and he slowly let go of Keith's wrists, only to raise one thumb to slowly wipe away the tears which landed on Keith's cheeks. With his other hand, he slowly drew circles on Keith's back and softly spoke in his ear. "Shhhh, it's okay. It's okay, Keith. Breath with me, okay? In, and out. In, and out. Good. Keep breathing like this. It's okay. Everything is okay". It took Lance a few minutes to calm Keith down and pressed him softly against his chest. 'Listen to my heart. It's calming". 

They stayed like that for minutes, hours, Keith couldn't tell, and it took him a while to realize how close he was to Lance and he suddenly went stiff against him. He couldn't just hug Lance like that! Not if it wasn't clear how Lance felt, and he slowly moved out of the hug and blinked up at Lance, only to see him smile ever so softly with soft sparkles in his eyes. He was so close that Keith could count his freckles, smell the vanilla scent Lance had, see how soft his lips were. They started moving. "Hey, you okay?". Keith slowly nodded, not able to pull himself further away. Lance's beauty was almost too much to handle. "Good. You know, whenever I had - whenever I had a panic attack it helped me to talk about it right afterwards. Do you wanna talk about it?". Lance's voice was warm and made Keith feel so safe. After everything he went through, he has found his home. In Lance. He nodded again, not sure if he could speak. Lance brushed Keith's hair out of his face and smiled encourangily.

"Okay. Where do you want to start?" Keith shrugged with his shoulders, he has never talked about this topic with anyone else than Shiro. But Lance was so different, so good that Keith thought he could trust him with everything, so he braced himself for what is about to come. He wanted to confess, needed to know if he could hug Lance like this forever or not. Lance waited, giving him room to feel comfortable again. Keith sighed, brushed his hair behind his ear and started.

"You know, I've never talked with anyone about anything like this except Shiro but I always felt like it was too much for him too handle since he doesn't feel good either. So I - I bottled everything up and build walls around me, so high that I hoped that nobody will ever break them down", he paused, slowly looking away from Lance and to the floor. He felt Lance shifting on the bed but he kept silent, obviously waiting for Keith to continue. Keith gulped and started again. "I guess you all tried to overcome these walls, I mean, I noticed you trying. And I thought I shouldn't let them down because they were my only defense against.. against emotions. You know, after my Mom left me when I was a baby and after my Dad died I never wanted anybody to get close again. Shiro picked me up and became my only friend, until he disappeared too, and I thought - I thought nobody would ever stay with me, that everyone will leave, sooner or later and that's why I kept these walls up, even when you guys tried to help me and I am utterly sorry for not letting you in for such a long time. I'm sorry for yelling at any of you, I'm sorry for fighting so much with you, Lance".

Keith stopped, allowed himself to glance at Lance, who's mouth was shaped in an 'o' and seemed to have gotten closer again during Keith's talk. And yet, he remained silent. Keith turned his head away and smiled softly.

"And then, I just realized that you guys still managed to get in, at least a bit. I wanted to make it up to you and tried to be nicer, tried to be a friend, and all of you became my friends, my family and I can't thank you enough for this. And yet, the walls were still not broken and then you, Lance, just.. you just ripped them down easily and I couldn't  _stop_ you even if I wanted because I realized that you weren't as bad as I thought and I - I wanted to be closer to you because you were so nice and you were the only one who had my back after Shiro went missing and you were always there for me and I can't put in words much I thank you for this and then I just.. I-", Keith had to stop, had to whipe a single tear away. Why did Lance make him so emotional? What kind of magic did he use, what spell did he put on him?

Keith struggled to find the right words to say what he wanted to say, and he thought those three words could never describe how much Lance meant to him. His breath was shaking and his whole body was trembling as he spoke up one more time, voice broken. "And I, I think - no, I know, I fell so hard and I was so scared because of this and I never knew what to do and I spent so many endless nights thinking about it, why it happened, how it was even possible to happen, and I just fell more and more, like I was drowning until it just became too much, that's why I came to you, I just couldn't even think anymore. Lance, I - I would take thousands of bullets for you, would stand up all by myself against the whole Galra Empire if that would be the only way to save you, I would travel the whole universe for you - fuck, I love you".

Keith was shaking and clutched on his legs as if they were his anchor to the world, a few tears streaming down his cheeks and he just couldn't look at Lance who still hasn't said anything. Suddenly, a hand was on Keith's arm and another under his chin, forcing him to look up at Lance. His face was flushed red and tears dwelled in his eyes, but he seemed distant. "Keith", his voice was trembling as well, "I am thankful that we are your family. I really am, and I love being your family, your friend, but I can't - I'm sorry. I'm so deeply sorry, god..", his voice trailed off and Keith loosened Lance's grip on his arm and slowly got off the bed.

Lance stared at him and Keith felt how his heart shattered in millions of pieces. "Keith, I'm so sorry, you are great, you really are and I'm so flustered right now, but I don't... I don't feel the same way. I like you as a friend, I do, I swear, and I will never hate you or anything, I will still stay at your side and who knows maybe I can love you one day? I just - I can't love you now. But Keith, please, I will always be there for you. Keith?", Lance's voice got sadder and heavier with each word and Keith backed away, to the door which he opened and stumbled out of the room, sprinting to his own room while Lance still screamed Keith's name behind him.

It didn't matter. Keith locked the door and jumped in his bed, curling up in a small ball, letting everything go, every tear. He had mastered the art of silent crying but now, he didn't care if anyone heard him. He let his sobs erupt his body and clenched onto his pillow. 

 

3AM 

Two hours after his stupid decision and his heart is broken.  

 

 

                             ~•~•~•~•~

 

The next morning was horrible. Lance wasn't able to sleep after Keith left and he knew running after him wouldn't help him. He knew that he fucked up really bad, and he constantly thought about the sobs he heard the whole night, knowing that it was  _his fault._ How could he ever give Keith the security again that they're a family? How, after he broke this poor boy's heart?

He thought about this while wandering through the castle towards breakfast, he wasn't really hungry and his hair was a mess, small bags under his eyes but he felt like only the presence of other people might help him get any ideas. As Lance arrived he already heard the happy chatter, Coran saying how impressed he is with Hunk's cooking and some comment from Pidge, followed by laughter. Lance slowly went in the room and to his seat and sat down. "Lance, buddy there you are! We were wondering where you've been, you're late!", Hunk said happily and before Lance could answer, Pidge interfered. "Lance, are you okay? You look horrible". It was immediately silent and everyone looked at Lance, expecting an answer. "I just couldn't sleep good last night", he answered and shrugged his shoulders. "Anyways, Hunk, what's your master food for today?" Hunk grinned wildly and got up and walked towards the kitchen but turned around again. "By the way, have you seen Keith? He wasn't in the training deck and hasn't come here all morning. I'm worried". Lance gulped, he knew exactly where Keith was and why he didn't come for breakfast. Lance was trying to say something but the door opened and a very exhausted Keith entered.

He was a mess. His hair was sticking in all directions, his skin even paler than normal, bags prominent under his red and puffy eyes. A near-sighted person without any glasses could have seen from 200 metres of distance that Keith had been crying all night and Lance felt so ultimately sorry. He had done this to Keith. Lance was the one who ruined and broke their leader, black paladin, friend. He did that and he couldn't look him in the eyes. Keith just stood there, his arms not even folded as usual, they hang at his sides and he seemed as if he would fall asleep any second. Hunk immediately ran to Keith with a pancake and open arms, pulling him into a hug. "Keith, buddy, what happened? Do you want extra pancakes? Do you wanna talk about it? Shall i bake a cake? I'm gonna make a cake just for you". Hunk kept hugging him and Pidge jumped up to join them. Coran did too, and soon Allura and Shiro followed, nobody -except Keith and Lance - knowing why Keith looked so absolutely wrecked and Lance was the last to softly put his arms around Coran and Shiro - which was awkward. Really awkward but be couldn't look into Keith's eyes knowing that he shattered the usual violet glow into something dark and sad.

 

 

Keith excused himself after a fast breakfast - "Hunk, you don't need to make extra pancakes" "Yes, Keith, I need to because nice food can always pull up your spirit and happiness" "What's over there?" "Your cake! I promised you a cake!" "Oh my god Hunk, we don't deserve you" - and walked with his small, red cake to his room. Hunk was so happy making this for Keith that he couldn't say no. Pidge told him that if he would like to hack into something with her, for example the sound when a training bot died, he could always come to her. She wasn't best at comforting but she always tried and he couldn't thank her enough. Coran went into the garden where Kaltenecker lived and picked a few Junyberries which he gave him with the words that "beautiful flowers can be something for the soul". Allura asked him if they wanted to braid each others hair - he even laughed a bit because he imagined himself with pink pins in his hair. Shiro ruffled through his hair and told him "you know where I am if you need me". 

But Keith still stayed at his room, looking at the cake with the flowers next to it. These people were his family but he ruined it. He felt the sadness suddenly wash over him like thousands of waves, and he felt like his breath was slowly fading. Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes and he didn't stop them. The worst part, after all, was that he couldn't even be mad at Lance. Lance was still so nice, trying his very best to assure Keith that they're still friends but Keith couldn't believe it. He thought he had lost his family all over again and his heart was aching thinking about how Lance looked like this morning. Defeated, sad. Keith had made Lance sad, his one goal was it to male Lance happy and he did exactly the opposite. He was a monster. And what did monsters deserve? 

Keith was ripped out of his thoughts when on his BoM screen an incoming call was showed. Kolivan. "Yes?", Keith asked. "Keith, we have a really important mission. We need you as a pilot" and then the call ended. Keith didn't hesitate, he put on his Blade of Marmora suit, took his blade and ran towards the control room to tell Allura that he's on a mission. He took a pod and left.

 

 

 

                             ~•~•~•~•~

 

"This mission is important. If we manage to get into their base and their main system, we can download every information on the whole Galra empire. With this information and Voltron we will make the empire fall. But this mission is highly dangerous. It's easy to die during it because of the high amount of sentries and soldiers. We need the fastest and the best". Kolivan stopped for a second and ordered a special group of to fulfill this task. "Kolivan", Keith said slowly. "You said I shall be a pilot. I can also go in there". Kolivan was silent at first. "Keith, you know this mission is dangerous. Some of us will pay with their lives. Are you sure? You're just a kid, Keith". Keith furrowed his eyebrows. "I may be but I have lost everything I ever had. The Blade is the last remaining part of my life. I would gladly give my life away for it and for the sake of the universe. Of all universes". Kolivan nodded slowly. "You're in". 

 

Kolivan was right. The mission was dangerous and horrible. They sneaked into the main base of the Galra Empire and sentries were everywhere. They have already lost three of the group on the way. Keith knew a few more will follow. What if he was one of them? Dying has always felt like something he would do any second. But now, being so close to death, he was afraid. He didn't have the chance to say goodbye to everyone. To Coran. Allura. Pidge. Hunk. Shiro.  _Lance._ Keith felt so sorry in this moment, it wasn't his family who left him this time. It was him who left them. And he couldn't thank them all for being there for him, he hasn't even tasted the cake yet! He didn't thank Lance for still being there (although they went separate ways this day). He didn't tell him one more time that he loves him and that it wasn't his fault. Keith wanted to assure him that he will be okay, as long as Lance is there. But he didn't. He couldn't. And he didn't hear the sentries. He only knew they were there as a new pain made it's way from his heart through his entire body, and he collapsed on the ground, stars in front of his eyes, the faint screaming of his BoM team as they took down all sentries, and he felt how one of them stood above him and told him to get him out of here once they come back.

 

Keith always imagined dying would be fast - Bang, and dead. And he didn't expect all this pain which shot through his body. He was laying on the cold ground, hands clutched over his heart. Tears formed in his eyes, it just hurt so much. And Keith only thought about Lance, about his soft brown hair, the strong arms that held him last night, the warm caramel skin, the freckles he never counted and this blue of his eyes, how he was finally completely drowning in them, drowning in an ocean while he can't swim, didn't want to know how to swim. What would Lance say when Kolivan told them that he died? The ocean would overflow, waves hitting the soft beach. Keith was never the biggest fan of the ocean but right now he imagined a sunset at the beach, red drippling at the sky and waves hitting the sand. It was beautiful, and brutal, just how he loved Lance with his whole life, and how his love for Lance was the last thought he had. He wished that he could see him one last time. And as his eyes fluttered shut he remembered how there are different realities out there and how Lance said "Maybe I can love you one day", and maybe, in another reality, Lance would have chosen Keith. "In and out", Lance has said last night.

In, and out.

In, and out.

In - 

 


End file.
